Just Write

“You folks have watches, but you no have time.” (These words were spoken by Aromai, a Micronesian palu to Elizabeth Lindsey, National Geographic writer.)
I don’t own a watch…and yet I struggle to carve out enough time to attend to all the ideas that arrive in my mind each day asking for attention.
I am glad to see that I am here writing again. Not writing for three days disturbed me. I had a variety of thoughts about the fact that I was not showing up to write as I have for the past six months. I let myself down. I felt feelings akin to betrayal. My reply to those feelings was that I was boring myself. I no longer found my writing exciting or interesting. I felt like I had “jumped the shark.”
I reminded myself to go back and read what I wrote on page one:
“What will come from my mind each morning?
Thought Vapors? Mind Medicine? Brain Matter? Ice Crystals? Bull Shit? Wise Words?
The good news is…it does not matter.
The only thing that matters is the practice of writing.”
I again vow to myself to write each day, regardless of content. It is a discipline, or as Pressman describes in his book by the same name, the war of art. If I do not show up in this seat each day and put my fingers on the keys, nothing will ever be written. An artist cannot wait for inspiration. A writer must put her ass in the seat and trust that her heart and mind will follow.
If I bore myself, so be it. If I am uninspired by my writing I will read other’s words for inspiration. I will write for the sake of writing. I will write because I made a promise to myself and I strive to be impeccable with my word. This is an opportunity not to be missed…a chance to prove myself worthy of trust. When I show up at the keyboard each morning, I am showing up for myself. This is not about the words, the readers or the quality of my writing. This is about having integrity with myself. In truth, showing up each day and writing is an act of self-love.
I forgive myself for my lapse and accept the challenge anew. Here I am on page 189, July 9, 2013. I am in month seven, over halfway to my goal of 365 days. My document word counter reads 78,545 and this is my 200th blog post…it is all good. For better or worse, I am back.