I am considering the fact that this is page 138 of my Daily Morning Pages, over one-third of the journey to 365 days of daily free-writing is on the page. When I began, the goal was simply to show up and write something every morning. That remains my goal. However, in the course of my writing something unexpected happened…I accumulated some readers! Each day emails arrive in my inbox with comments about what I have written and I realize that someone is listening. It was never my intention that anyone would actually read what I was writing…I was writing for myself. I was writing as an act of self-discipline. I was writing for clarity around issues that are important to me. I was writing for inspiration for my day. I feel as if I am still writing to myself, and someone else is in the room.
When a post about NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month) appeared on my FaceBook page I thought, “Pleasant diversion, this!” With twelve months of a daily free-write, I could devote one to free-writing poetry. And it was a surprising and entertaining excursion.
I haven’t read through the collection of what I have written. I sometimes only read the daily writing once or twice. My partner has been a patient and willing listener to be read aloud the page that has come forth each morning. Occasionally I write something that catches my attention and I read it several times, not as an editor, but as a curious listener attempting to grasp the meaning within the words. Prior to the moment my fingers lie on the keyboard, I don’t know what is going to be written. Sometimes a word, an image, an emotion precede my writing during the meditation I practice just before I sit to write. Other days, like today, I am clueless to what will appear on the page.
This process is quite fascinating to me. I have other experiences that mirror my free-writing. Painting and cooking come to mind. I approach a silk with the same lack of planning, usually only a vague idea of what I will paint, and I freely draw images and choose colors of dye to create fabrics for wearing or framing. I create recipes from the foods I have on hand, throwing together dishes with an intuitive sense of what will work well together.
Aha, “intuitive sense of what will work well together.” I hear that line ringing in my ears.
I am grasping an understanding that when I rest back without a plan and allow my intuition to take over my “driver’s seat,” trusting that whatever happens next is acceptable, something akin to magic happens. Of course! On a larger scale that is how this retreat is being created. Before the calendar, appointments, plans, schedules and lists, was a vision. The “left brain” organization is the masculine energy manifesting the vision that came from the “right brain” creative intuitive feminine energy.
Balance is the key. If I take the time to sit in silence, resting in the “women’s lodge”, my intuitive guidance, my Muse, comes forth with a vision. A single spark of brilliance ignites the masculine to action. The vision is taken by forces of creation and the left brain implements the plan for execution. Supported by Universal Mind, synchronicity comes into play. It feels as if a friendly force precedes me and opens the gates before I reach them, making the manifestation process appear effortless.
For me, it is a slippery slope into the imbalance of too much execution and not enough inspiration. I must be diligent to pause frequently and drop back into the “women’s lodge.” It is here, in the cavern of deep stillness, that the non-essential falls away and the clarity of purpose arises. It is here, that the Muse can be heard, and the vision of her wisdom can be seen.