Yesterday started out well. My yoga students showed up on time and I channeled a guided meditation for thirty minutes to begin a two-hour class. It felt powerful and I had the sense that the words coming from my mouth were meant more for me than for my students.
The last three classes I have taught have been focused on hip and shoulder openers. Hip openers are usual for my classes as they tend to be yin in nature focusing on the spine and hips. Spending time on specific shoulder work is unusual.
I don’t plan what I’m going to teach. I show up and set an intention to serve my students as best I can. I then surrender to my “yoga muse within” and for next 90 -120 minutes I get to be surprised. I am never disappointed in her and I am often fascinated by her compassion for my students and the gentle way she works with them. Over and again she tells them to “meet your edge with compassion.” “Breathe a smile into your tension.” “Stop judging and be your own best friend.” Who is she speaking to, me or them?
I now look back on yesterday and wonder if that class saved me from myself. I floated out of my studio and into my office after my students and I hugged good-bye. For the rest of the afternoon I was plagued with the frustration of dealing with technology and humans with whom I could not communicate. I felt like I was speaking an alien language. I spoke but was not heard. I attempted to communicate via the computer and phone with equal ineffectiveness. I felt deeply frustrated and a failure by day’s end.
I am building a retreat center. Although we are months from completion, the major structures are either in place, half-finished, or yet a pile of materials with a plan on top. The dream has manifested itself into an embryonic state. I see my vision slowly crossing the veil to this universe of ordinary reality from the universe of intention brick by brick, nail by nail, one day to the next.
This journey is one of the biggest growth opportunities I have encountered. Each day is another test. How badly do I want this? What am I willing to sacrifice for this dream? In what ways do I need to grow and mature if I am going to pull this off successfully. In what ways do I need to be strong and courageous? Where do I need to replenish my healthy boundaries? When do I need to soften and open? Can I meet my resistance with compassion? Can I surrender to the greater good of all concerned? Can I hold the path to my North Star regardless of any outside opposition? Can I remain transparent and authentic to my true nature?
I didn’t write yesterday. At the end of the day, I simply didn’t want to confront this screen again. I escaped my thoughts and feelings by watching an autobiographical documentary on Richard Pryer. I admire that man very much. He is the guru of transparency on stage. He is also a heartbreaking example of the wounded genius child who is unable to hear the voice of his beloved and hears only the voice of his judge. His story is epic.
Today is another day. I am here at the keyboard telling my story. It is not epic! I feel open and surrendered. Life is what it is. I will meet each moment with grace and compassion as best I can. I look around and I know I am blessed. Every day is a gift of life that I am being given to appreciate in all its many forms and fashions. Each encounter on the path is another opportunity to step up and meet myself with an open heart.