Cherishing Connection

I started to finish (is that an oxymoron) the page I began yesterday about being at the beach on Friday with my son and his family. I was not inspired to do that. I thought about writing about yesterday. We went to the zoo at Balboa Park in San Diego which was quite lovely…could not have conjured a more beautiful day. I do not have much to say about that right now either…
So, I ask myself, what do you want to write about this morning? Gratitude comes to mind. What am I grateful for this morning? I am grateful for reconnection with my son, and for making a genuine heart connection with my daughter-in-law and her two daughters.
I have not seen my son much since he left home for college at the age of 18. We have lived many miles apart and our lives consumed with major life changes and challenges. It is as if, now, we have settled in some way. Our lives are still full and busy, but the search has ended. We have both found places to call home and partners to share those homes with that feel secure and lasting. We have both surrendered to paths of service that feel right for us. Somehow, in this settling, we are able to meet each other and breathe. There is a softening around our encounter that allows the love we have for each other to surface and the judgments to settle. I am cherishing an experience I have longed for. The timing needed to be right for both of us.
My first born, Brekk was a chosen and cherished baby. I quit work to stay at home and be with him and I was devoted to motherhood. His sister, Genevieve, was born when he was 3 ½. I loved being a mother, at home on the farm, raising my two children alongside a big garden and many animals. For more than a decade, I did nothing but live a “mama earth” lifestyle.
As the kids got older and went to middle school, I went back to work and then began traveling and searching for a life that could fulfill me, the way raising my children had. They no longer required my full attention. They were finding their own paths and I needed to find mine.
Bodywork was the light bulb that lit the way for me to a journey of self-discovery. Upon completion of massage school, I kept traveling and studying. For over ten years I devoted myself to learning about the ways of living organisms, especially humans, and how I could facilitate balance and healing. My yoga practice returned and integrated with the skills I acquired around hands-on healing and energy work.
While this was happening for me, Brekk was at college, working, in the air force and eventually marrying Tonya and becoming “dad” to her two daughters. Our paths did not cross much and the connection that was so strong when he was growing up felt strained.
Last week Brekk and Tonya drove from Texas to California with a stop in Scottsdale where Brekk had a colloquium for his master’s degree in Psych. With daughters Amber and Lauren and new puppy, Romeo, they arrived here at Mountain Valley Retreat and we have enjoyed three wonderful days together.
As Brekk and I sat talking under the full moon in the hot tub last night, I felt for the first time in many years that my son and I are reconnected. The strong bond we had when he was a child is felt again. For this, I am so very grateful.