Aging & Death

The rains finally came today.  A solid 20 minutes of genuine downpour…a “get naked and dance in the rain” downpour.

I am so grateful to the Elementals.  They settled their differences today and found balance.  And so, too, may I find balance.

I’m 68.  I have been moving consciously through layers of armor and patterns of conditioned-response to stress for decades.  But at this moment, what seems significant, is the last decade.

I reverse my timeline and look backwards from July 12, 2018.  

I officially opened the Mountain Valley Retreat in 2014.

Sidebar:  “This is 2018, my fifth year in my new business.  I’m sorting out the bugs and it’s working.  My working edge is clarity about what I want.  I am a Renaissance Woman.  Staying focused on one project at a time isn’t as fun  (read challenging) as juggling several projects at once  Some interests are more lefty, artsy-fartsy and some more righty, rational-mathematical.  I seem to go for the balance.”

  In 2010 my marriage of thirty-seven years ended in divorce.


Sidebar:  “We hooked up for the first time in 1968.  I was an 18-year-old freshman at DU and Jim was a 20-year-old junior on a 4-year NCAA basketball scholarship majoring in Economics.  When Jim graduated he moved to Chicago to play at being a banker in the big leagues… riding on the lapping tongues of the jock-sniffing Execs at the First National Bank of Chicago in the loop.  His entry-level position was as a Jr. Trust Officer.  Jim did the leg-work for his boss, Manny, from Kenilworth, Sr. Trust Officer. I transferred to NIU and majored in Education and Psychology.  We got married in 1973.”

In 2007 I left Jim and the farm we had lived on since 1975, 32 years.  I maintained my business, Be Well Now, in Godfrey/Alton.  I moved into a tiny log cabin 10 miles from my farm isolated in an oak forest on a little lake owned by a young couple going through a divorce.  My landlady, Kristy, was getting the house with 100 acres and rented the cabin to me and my cat, Lemur,  for two years.

The story of the preceding fifty-seven years is a blog (read book) for another day.

So, this somehow brings me to my topic, Death & Aging…or Aging & Death.

What, you are asking, is the connection between Aging & Death and the past decade of my life?  I’m aging and so is everyone around me and we all die.  The longer I live, the more Aging and Death become a “thing” for me.  As friends and family die, I’m left wondering the great unanswerable question, “What’s it all about?”

Within my ‘wonderings’ I came upon a thought.  As I age, time appears to be collapsing in on itself.  The clock may say it is six hours later than what feels like a moment ago.  It appears that my mind is staying more and more present.  Without thoughts about the past or the future time is losing its relativity.  Without anything to relate to,  there are no relatives for time?   Without relativity, there is no time!  Only now.

What does this have to do with Aging and Death?  Everything!

Aging depends upon the passage of time.  No time…no aging.

Death is the absence of time…it is timeless.  Therefore, if I am in a timeless space, I am already dead, by definition.  If I am dead, what separates me from life? Just the appearance of this body.

Savasana,  The little death, the chance to die before you die.  This is what my yoga is all for.  For 50 years I’ve known of yoga, practiced yoga, studied yoga, taught yoga…and now?  Perhaps, I am yoga.

Aging and Death?  Nothing but concepts of the mind.  Paper Tigers.  Bring it on!

Agelessness and Life Eternal.  Word!










I Forgot Who I Was…

I forgot who I was!

This morning, in Yoga,  I remembered…

At least, a part of myself.


I remembered I am strong.

I remembered I am kind.

I remembered I am human.

I remembered I am Divine.


The forgetting…

It happens when I get lethargic and sluggish

It happens when I stop turning inward

It happens when I pay more attention to what others think than what I know.

It happens when I stop my practice.


My practice is to stop hiding in my doing.

My practice is to listen to my body.

My practice is to honor what I hear.

My practice is to love myself enough to do my practice.

Life is Joy

I usually write in first person. After all, it’s all about me, right? However, this morning I am sharing a piece I wrote yesterday afternoon which arrived as a download. Unexpected and unsought, I was getting ready to leave the house when I had to sit down and record the words that were coming into my mind.

When this information arrived and I recorded it I had no intention of posting it on my blog. This morning, I sat here with my usual intention to do my morning page and “Life is Joy” showed up and I know this is what I’m going to share with you.

When a “download” arrives, it is different from the morning pages. The morning pages are sought. I know I’m going to sit at this laptop at 6:00 am and write something. True, I don’t know what is coming, but there is still the intention to write.

“Downloads”, as I have called them for all the years they have come to me, are usually not in the first person. They come into my mind as if someone is speaking to me. It is as if I am being told something that is for my ears only by someone who cares about my welfare.

In “Life is Joy”, it is I, not you, who is being spoken to.

Life is Joy.

Be playful.

Be free.

There is nothing important

To concern yourself with.

All these trivial pursuits

You engage your brain with,

Are merely distractions

From the Truth of Your Very Existence!

Truth is…

Nothing matters.

All that you do is Non-Sense.

All that you are is JOY.

As long as you think the Non-Sense is important

You are hiding the Truth from yourself.

The Truth that is so hard to bear.

The Truth that all you see, hear, smell, touch and taste…

All you think say and do…

Is Non-Sense…

Absolutely meaningless!

Get it?

Means nothing.

If you can find a way to feel joyful…do it!

Quit harming yourself and others

In your foolish pursuit of meaning.

Come alive each day and get chronically happy!

Live and love and be Grateful that you are Semi-Conscious.

For the morning will come…

When you will awaken to the truth

Whether you believe it or not.

You may as well enjoy life

While you still have one.