The rains finally came today. A solid 20 minutes of genuine downpour…a “get naked and dance in the rain” downpour.
I am so grateful to the Elementals. They settled their differences today and found balance. And so, too, may I find balance.
I’m 68. I have been moving consciously through layers of armor and patterns of conditioned-response to stress for decades. But at this moment, what seems significant, is the last decade.
I reverse my timeline and look backwards from July 12, 2018.
I officially opened the Mountain Valley Retreat in 2014.
Sidebar: “This is 2018, my fifth year in my new business. I’m sorting out the bugs and it’s working. My working edge is clarity about what I want. I am a Renaissance Woman. Staying focused on one project at a time isn’t as fun (read challenging) as juggling several projects at once Some interests are more lefty, artsy-fartsy and some more righty, rational-mathematical. I seem to go for the balance.”
In 2010 my marriage of thirty-seven years ended in divorce.
Sidebar: “We hooked up for the first time in 1968. I was an 18-year-old freshman at DU and Jim was a 20-year-old junior on a 4-year NCAA basketball scholarship majoring in Economics. When Jim graduated he moved to Chicago to play at being a banker in the big leagues… riding on the lapping tongues of the jock-sniffing Execs at the First National Bank of Chicago in the loop. His entry-level position was as a Jr. Trust Officer. Jim did the leg-work for his boss, Manny, from Kenilworth, Sr. Trust Officer. I transferred to NIU and majored in Education and Psychology. We got married in 1973.”
In 2007 I left Jim and the farm we had lived on since 1975, 32 years. I maintained my business, Be Well Now, in Godfrey/Alton. I moved into a tiny log cabin 10 miles from my farm isolated in an oak forest on a little lake owned by a young couple going through a divorce. My landlady, Kristy, was getting the house with 100 acres and rented the cabin to me and my cat, Lemur, for two years.
The story of the preceding fifty-seven years is a blog (read book) for another day.
So, this somehow brings me to my topic, Death & Aging…or Aging & Death.
What, you are asking, is the connection between Aging & Death and the past decade of my life? I’m aging and so is everyone around me and we all die. The longer I live, the more Aging and Death become a “thing” for me. As friends and family die, I’m left wondering the great unanswerable question, “What’s it all about?”
Within my ‘wonderings’ I came upon a thought. As I age, time appears to be collapsing in on itself. The clock may say it is six hours later than what feels like a moment ago. It appears that my mind is staying more and more present. Without thoughts about the past or the future time is losing its relativity. Without anything to relate to, there are no relatives for time? Without relativity, there is no time! Only now.
What does this have to do with Aging and Death? Everything!
Aging depends upon the passage of time. No time…no aging.
Death is the absence of time…it is timeless. Therefore, if I am in a timeless space, I am already dead, by definition. If I am dead, what separates me from life? Just the appearance of this body.
Savasana, The little death, the chance to die before you die. This is what my yoga is all for. For 50 years I’ve known of yoga, practiced yoga, studied yoga, taught yoga…and now? Perhaps, I am yoga.
Aging and Death? Nothing but concepts of the mind. Paper Tigers. Bring it on!
Agelessness and Life Eternal. Word!