“Put your ass where your heart wants to be.”
These words are playing around my mind like a broken record.
I’m wondering what the connection is to this phrase and the equally broken record that played from 3:30 until 6:00 this morning, as Monkey-Mind took over as DJ at the party in my head.
The theme of the party was “Get ‘em by the balls and their hearts and minds will follow.” MM was chanting the litany of ways it’s my job to fix everything that he thinks is wrong with the world. He isn’t into compassionate teaching or leading by example. He’s into brute force. He thinks that I can muscle change…that by my force of will people around me will behave differently because it’s what he wants.
This brings me to the bigger question…why does he want anyone to behave differently than they do? Where did MM get the egotistical notion that his way is the best way…the only way? Oh, of course, MM is the voice of my Ego.
I want my ass to get out of my ego and stand with my heart. What practice will bring me to a place of compassionate acceptance for what is? If I pray enough before the altar of love and peace will MM shut the fuck up? Will I someday hit the magic mark in hours spent in meditation? The switch will flip removing me from ego’s incessant badgering forever? If I set heartfelt intentions with powerful sacred rituals and ceremonies will I rid myself of the plague of MM’s persistent pestering? Could Spirit grab him by the balls so his heart and mind will follow?
I don’t think it works that way. So what then? Not different than AA…one second at a time, I must be devoutly diligent. Through persistent attention I must listen, noticing the thoughts speaking in the voice of judgment. Recognizing the voice of Ego, I am then at a choice point. I can allow him to speak and act through me or deny him that right. If I simply say no to his direction, whose voice will I listen to? What will then be the path I follow? All I know for certain is nothing.
- Monkey Mind (sourcereflections.wordpress.com)