I awakened at 4:00 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep. I don’t normally have a problem with insomnia. I’ve always been able to sleep soundly and for eight hours without problem. Not last night. Monkey Mind arrived at 4:00 and took over.
My beloved cat, Lemur, is pushing fifteen years which the vet tells me makes him the human equivalent of mid-seventies. He has been a strong and healthy cat but now has renal disease, arthritis and gingivitis. With regular injections for his joints, and water transfusions and a special diet for his kidneys he was doing well this past year until last week when the sore teeth and gums made it painful for him to eat. We took him in yesterday to be examined and he is going back down today for dental surgery. Teeth will be extracted and he is on an antibiotic for possible infection. It may seem to some like a lot to do for a cat but he has been my constant companion and faithful friend for many years. Fellow animal lovers understand.
When I awakened at 4:00 Lemur was on my mind. The thoughts I was thinking were not positive and I knew Monkey Mind was in charge. Monkey Mind runs the tape of all possible negative outcomes to any situation I have on my plate. In the dark of the morning it showed me vivid images of my sweet Lemur strapped down to the surgical table undergoing painful and frightening procedures while I sat in the waiting room deciding how I would get the money for the four figure bill I was holding. And it didn’t stop there…once Monkey Mind is in control it likes to walk me down the “hall of horrors.”
Next stop was a visitation to the retreat projects I am contacting. This morning a concrete/asphalt contactor is coming to discuss a bid on the driveway work. I am so out of my league with these guys…I don’t know what to expect and I am continuously trying to calculate the priorities of the larger project because I can see that the loan money will run out before it’s all finished. So what to let go of, what to leave until sometime in the future, what to do now…these are the questions I am struggling with.
Monkey Mind walked me out to the gate. The bids for the gate came in yesterday…one for $11, 000 and one for $7,000. Are you kidding me? No, they are not. And don’t forget, said M.M., you need to choose which company is making the Yurt and get that ordered this week, and pick up more stain for the fence, and paint the baseboard in the studio, and decide on the flooring and order it, and…STOP!
I get it. There is much to do and many decisions to make. My cat is sick and requires expensive treatment. This is called life as we know it. It is not important in the bigger picture…so leave me now Monkey Mind. Go sit in the back of the bus and keep your mouth shut. I am done with you…for now.
I sat up and breathed deeply. I reminded myself that I know how to find the place of deep inner calm and go there. I breathed and I grounded and I went there. In the stillness of my deeper knowing, the expansion of my mind showed me the bigger picture and all of the trivial worries shrank away in relativity. I heard the words of my All Knowing saying, “Everything is in perfect order. All is just as it needs to be. Trust and allow yourself to feel the presence of the unconditional support that is here for you. You are not alone. You are loved and held in every moment of your life. Everything is okay. Surrender into your support and smile.”
I have all that I need to handle every situation that arises. I don’t need to know all the answers to all the questions that are going to come up, I only need to know my next step. Trust is my mantra and breathing, grounding and filling is my practice. Life is a challenge and a blessing and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am so grateful for this life I have been given. I will meet this day with a smile of gratitude and the grace of one who understands that life is a gift no matter the form it comes in.
- This Is Your Brain On Monkey Mind: The 30 Day Challenge (ducttapeandbubblegum.com)
- Monkey Mind (itstartedwithaquote.wordpress.com)