Page 30 Unbecoming 1/30/2013
I went to bed at 10:00 last night after a satisfying day that ended with a bodywork trade. The personal high-pressure zone that lifted on Sunday is allowing an easy, relaxed flow to my days. I realize that before Sunday, January 27, my waking mind operated by deciding on the highest priority task that moved me toward my goal. As I would be finishing that task, Mind would be surveying the to-do list and informing me of the task that was coming so I would be ready. Without so much as a breath of pause, I would seamlessly move from one completed task into the next one and on and on until my day ended. Often I would multi-task, cycling through several projects at once. Mind was serving some preconceived purpose or goal. I was always feeling pressured to accomplish more.
Since Sunday, January 27, Mind is quiet. I am sitting and waiting for the urge to move to arise and when it does I follow it. I stay present to what I am doing without any thought of time, when I will be finished or what is coming next. When the job is done, I return to stillness and wait. Resting quietly in Children’s Fire* I am being nurtured and nourished by my breath and the earth’s field drawing in whatever resources I need. At some point, the urge to move arises again and I follow it.
I have rarely had trouble sleeping. At 1:30 this morning my eyes popped open and the word “unbecoming” came to my lips. I rolled over and tried to ignore it but no such luck. So here I am sitting in front of the fire in the middle of the night writing with my laptop and my cat in my lap.
I know where this one came from. I was working on the upholstery for a plane that we are re-habbing with friends. Music was playing and the song “Unbecoming”* came up. I stopped what I was doing to listen to the lyrics which were describing well what I am experiencing.
“It’s all about unbecoming what I never was. It’s all about unlearning what was never true. It’s about unbelieving all the lies that I was told. Unbecoming is the journey of my soul.”
I feel this sense of unbecoming. I have been calling it “off-loading” but unbecoming says it better. I noticed all day yesterday the unusually easy way I was feeling. I did what showed up and felt right without much mental activity. The pattern I spoke of earlier isn’t there. The way I was is not the way I am and I don’t know exactly why.
What I do know is that the feeling of expansiveness and ease in my body feels great. I love that I am not worrying about anything. It feels wonderful to be stress-free. The pressure has lifted and I am smiling…a lot!
“Unbecoming is the journey of my Soul.”
*Nahmod, Daniel; Home, Unbecoming 2011