When I opened my eyes a few minutes ago I knew what I would write about this morning. For the first time since page one on Jan first I felt a moment of reticence. It passed as quickly as it came as I remembered my vow of transparency. I have to tell this story.
Two days ago I was painting the woodwork in my transformed garage. It is now an art studio and a washroom. I was listening to music on my iphone and enjoying the meditative repetition and immediate gratification of painting with a brush. I watched the color of the wood change from its dull gray primer to a shining cream color, Navajo White.
I had been at this for several hours. Four doors with jams is a lot of woodwork and I was almost finished. A powerful thought formed in my mind. It was so overtaking that I put down my brush in mid-stroke, took off my gloves, and pulled my iphone from the docking station. I brought up the recording device and started speaking into my iphone. My voice was loud and strong echoing off the walls of the empty room. I noticed I was pacing with long strides in the rectangular room and that I was walking in the path of the infinity symbol. I don’t know what I said but it is on my phone. I am going to listen to it now for the first time and tell you what I hear.
I am saying, “I don’t want to be chronic, I want to be present. Chronic means my domestication is filtering my experience. It means I am reacting from a default stance established as a child, acting out old patterns rather than responding to each moment with pristine clarity and creativity. ” There is a long pause. I say, “Here we go.”
“I surrender to the present moment relinquishing all control and assuming only the responsibility of being true to myself. I hide from no man. I am. I am enough. I am a living, human manifestation of Spirit. I choose nothing but to surrender to the Spirit that is here in me. I relinquish the domestication of my Spirit. I cut all cords to the beliefs that my Ego holds. I open myself fully to the experience of walking the earth in my human body while experiencing sensations through my Spirit body. Where does the ego go when I surrender fully to Spirit? The Ego assumes a position in relation to Spirit that is balanced but not equal. The balance is in the Ego’s recognition that it is not All. Spirit knows that it IS All. Therefore, the balance isn’t equal. It’s all about Ego’s consciousness. Fully conscious, the Ego’s responsibility is to surrender itself to Spirit in Trust.”
There is a long pause and then I continue to speak, “I invoke and embrace all human connections…animal, plant and mineral connections. I invoke and embrace my connection to fire, water, air and earth. I invoke and embrace the unseen support that is always here for me; the devas, fairies, angels, power animals and spirit guides. I know that these appearances of Spirit are all aspects of Me operating beyond the influence of the Ego.”
The tape stops here.
I returned to painting the woodwork and each brush stroke was an affirmation. I am changed.
- Mindfulness applied:… Surrender!!!! By “Osho”: – Updated (ptsdawayout.com)