Clarity of Purpose

Writing

Writing (Photo credit: jjpacres)

A friend who is following my blog emailed me yesterday morning right after I posted “Chronic.” He told me that he was imagining what it would be like for him to commit to writing a daily blog. The thought was “freaking him out!”
Upon further reflection he said that he had a feeling of losing control in the willingness to free-write and publish without censorship.
He sensed that I am surrendering to the blog. The blog is dictating the words and taking my time, energy and creativity where it wants to go.

His words made me think. I asked myself, “Why I am doing this?” The Blog (sounds like a grade B movie title) is a tool I am using to explore myself. When the idea first arrived, I thought my intention to write daily for 365 days was a test of my ability to have discipline. I was also intending to practice as an exercise in writing itself…to “hone my craft.” On a more personal level, I wanted to push my edge of exposure. I wanted to “walk my talk” and show whomever was watching or listening the “real me.” I wanted to drop the pretenses and stop trying to be whoever I thought someone wanted me to be. I wanted to discover the truth of who I am when the mask is off and I am revealed.

Somehow I thought that if I woke up and wrote whatever was in my dreamy, right-brain mind without thinking about it, it would be the “real me.” I would catch a glimpse of who is in there under the cover of domestication.

My friend wrote that my public intention to write every day for a year is “365 opportunities for failure.” He spoke of his deep-seated fear of public commitment which holds the possibility for public shame. He named the horror of domestication in its worst form; to teach an innocent child that “life is a certain way and he better get on board with it or burn in hell.” He noted how stifling and repressive that is, especially for creatures who are creative beings.
His words speak to the human experience I call “domestication” following the teachings of don Miguel Ruiz. And yes, religion is one of the most dehumanizing, horrific forms of domestication man perpetrates on his fellow-man. All of my domestication has stifled and repressed me. This is the reason I do what I do…I am trying to release myself from all forms of domestication and finally be free.
I am not writing for acceptance…I am writing for transparency. I am writing to discover and expose all the parts of me I never wanted seen.

I am writing to finally know the truth of who I am…because I believe that who I am, beneath the domestication, is Sacred.

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3 thoughts on “Clarity of Purpose

  1. Pingback: Free Writing | Source Reflections

  2. I would like to thank you for viewing my blog post “Why write? Why blog?”, and to me this post seems very similar. I’m not sure why I want to write, but I think it may be a subconscious way of expressing my self and the way I see things through my eyes.

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  3. Agreed. I write so that I can tell everybody who I am without actually telling anybody who I am. It’s my thoughts uncensored, but it’s out there for people who don’t know me to read so that I know that I’m not just becoming someone they want to see. This way I know who I am without being pressured to fit into everyone else’s ordeals.

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