A friend who is following my blog emailed me yesterday morning right after I posted “Chronic.” He told me that he was imagining what it would be like for him to commit to writing a daily blog. The thought was “freaking him out!”
Upon further reflection he said that he had a feeling of losing control in the willingness to free-write and publish without censorship.
He sensed that I am surrendering to the blog. The blog is dictating the words and taking my time, energy and creativity where it wants to go.
His words made me think. I asked myself, “Why I am doing this?” The Blog (sounds like a grade B movie title) is a tool I am using to explore myself. When the idea first arrived, I thought my intention to write daily for 365 days was a test of my ability to have discipline. I was also intending to practice as an exercise in writing itself…to “hone my craft.” On a more personal level, I wanted to push my edge of exposure. I wanted to “walk my talk” and show whomever was watching or listening the “real me.” I wanted to drop the pretenses and stop trying to be whoever I thought someone wanted me to be. I wanted to discover the truth of who I am when the mask is off and I am revealed.
Somehow I thought that if I woke up and wrote whatever was in my dreamy, right-brain mind without thinking about it, it would be the “real me.” I would catch a glimpse of who is in there under the cover of domestication.
My friend wrote that my public intention to write every day for a year is “365 opportunities for failure.” He spoke of his deep-seated fear of public commitment which holds the possibility for public shame. He named the horror of domestication in its worst form; to teach an innocent child that “life is a certain way and he better get on board with it or burn in hell.” He noted how stifling and repressive that is, especially for creatures who are creative beings.
His words speak to the human experience I call “domestication” following the teachings of don Miguel Ruiz. And yes, religion is one of the most dehumanizing, horrific forms of domestication man perpetrates on his fellow-man. All of my domestication has stifled and repressed me. This is the reason I do what I do…I am trying to release myself from all forms of domestication and finally be free.
I am not writing for acceptance…I am writing for transparency. I am writing to discover and expose all the parts of me I never wanted seen.
I am writing to finally know the truth of who I am…because I believe that who I am, beneath the domestication, is Sacred.
- Writing (and the Aspect of Shame) Blog 7 (flyohman.wordpress.com)
- Writer’s Block? Try Freewriting (storywritingstudio.wordpress.com)
- Righteous Moocher (sourcereflections.wordpress.com)
- Why write? Why blog? (williamkiddjr.wordpress.com)
- Tips on Gaining Clarity (enjoyingthejourneys.com)