Usual and Different

Sitting here at my laptop in the morning darkness is becoming my routine. Yet within this predictable experience the exceptional keeps happening. I relish a paradox. Show me an enigma and I will delight at the irony and oxymoronic nature of it. This morning is all about the common holding the extraordinary.
I am wondering where this is going…it feels as if it has to do with the BIG contradiction I feel all the time. I use the word “domestication” a lot lately. I learned it from don Miguel Ruiz. The paradox I am referring to is that I was taught (i.e.: domesticated) that there is something wrong with me, that I am imperfect…broken…implying that something in me needs to be fixed. The “truth” I have come to is that there is not! There is nothing to do, nothing to fix. My perceived “imperfections” are within the perfection of “all.”
Suzanne uses the term “widen your lens” in her teachings. When my lens is narrow and I turn it on myself I see every “wrinkle, scar and pimple” and they look less than perfect. I see my deficiencies and all that I am not. But when I widen my lens enough, something uncommon appears. I perceive myself as a part of something larger that has no limitations or imperfections. I feel a sense of awe as I see the abundance that is here. I feel freedom in the observation of myself as a part of something that I don’t need to seek to change.
Accepting who I am and what is happening in each moment without thinking, “and this would be better if only…” is freedom from needing to do anything. Non-acceptance is always a form of suffering no matter what it is I am not accepting. It is the trap that keeps me “doing” something to “make it better.”
Acceptance of “what is” is freedom, no matter what it is I am accepting.
When I have compassion for hating myself for all my perceived “wrinkles, scars and pimples”, when I have compassion for “all that I am not” I have stopped hating myself. In that moment of compassion for my “failings” I am loving myself. In that moment of loving myself, nothing needs to be changed. If nothing needs to be changed, I am free.


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