Transparency

Page 2
I awoke and rolled over. First thought, “It’s just another day.” Second thought, “No it’s not! It’s Page 2!”
I am a bit shocked at the negativity of my first thought. “It’s just another day.” It’s the “just” that shocks me. This isn’t “just” another day. This is the ONLY day. This is THE day.
Today is My day. It may be the only day I have left. It is certainly the only day I am able to EXPERIENCE in my entire life.
The past is an assortment of memories that surface at random times triggered by a current event…a smell, a sight, a sound, a taste, a feel… triggers for an unsolicited memory of some past moment that probably had a hefty amount of emotion attached to it. (Emotions are the glue of memories…they are what make them stick around as opposed to fading away.)
The future is a mixed bag of mental projections. Depending on who-knows-what: hormones, the condition of my opiate receptors and what neuropeptides are being released into my bloodstream, my mind will launch into the future. I may project a bright, sunny picture of future accomplishments, adventures, friends and lovers…or the movie may play more like a dark comedy filled with multiple mishaps and mistakes.
The point is, there is no past or future outside of the molecules of my brain. Past memories and future projections are just the creations of my mind, subject to change in any moment.
But this day…there is something tangible about it. It looks and feels detailed and animated. I have a sense of myself breathing and using my senses that feel current. I have the idea that I am choosing, moment to moment, to do whatever I want. Am I choosing or is choice an illusion? If I am not choosing, what is happening? Am I somehow conscious of an experience that has already happened but playing itself out in the way that a movie is played out? Is Chery’s Life; Scene 63 – Transparency; Page 2, the page I am “living” today? Has the screenplay already been written? Is the film in the can?
I will continue to do this day as if it were happening for the first time. I will choose to wrap up this page when the words reach the bottom of the page. What else will happen? How much of today could I write if I sat here and told the whole story of today? What surprises await me? Will I get lost down the tunnel of memories? Will I give this day to future projection and speculation?
I am intending to stay fully present to each moment as it unfolds as an exploration into this day. Perhaps the answers to my questions lie in my ability to stay with each moment of this day and notice what happens next.

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