G and I hiked up to Angela yesterday. We called her Turtle Rock until I asked her what her name is. Now we know she is Angela.
I read these words as G witnessed me and my spoken intention:
“I no longer seek to understand.
I seek only to surrender to the moment in gratitude.
I am transparent…all that I am opens to anyone who cares to know me.
I move through time and space with grace and ease.
I am here now, in this.
I breathe, ground and center, integrate, surrender and smile.
Life Is what it Is and I am grateful.”
I buried my intention in the sand with a gift to Spirit under the great Angela. I thanked Angela for being the guardian of my prayers and we hiked back down to the car.
My dreams were strong and significant last night. They spoke to me about being authentic. They told me, “It is time to break the domestication that has kept you enslaved by fear.”
When I awoke I knew some things. I knew that today would be a day of silence and fasting. I knew that I was deeply in process with this intention I had set through sacred word, ceremony and ritual.
I got up and went outside. It was raining a light cold rain. I got naked and slipped into the healing hot waters of the spa. I lay back in the water and felt the rain on my face. I let myself drift.
I saw the first cord. It was very thick and coming from my gut. I pulled on it and it came out of me in long lengths but I realized it wasn’t mine and it needed to be cut. A long, curve-bladed sword of gold appeared in my right hand. I looked up to see who was attached to the end of the cord. It was my father. I blessed him and cut the cord close to my skin and released it to him. I watched the images disappear into the rain. The sword floated away as well.
I saw a slightly less thick cord that had been hidden by the first larger one. I followed it out into space and saw it was attached to my ex-husband. A silver scalpel came into my hand. I blessed him and cut the cord close to my skin with a sawing action. It felt tough. When it was cut through I released it with the scalpel and watched them disappear into the grey sky.
There were a few strands still coming from the hole in my gut and I wrapped them around my hand and pulled them loose easily and released them. This felt complete.
I rested in the hot swirling water. There was more to be done. I felt a cord from the front of my brain. It was attached to Dad. I cut it as I had the first one. I felt another from behind the crown. It was attached to Jim. I cut it as I had the second one. I asked the essence of these attachments and I heard that these influences were instrumental in my “ compulsion to understand and be right.”
I checked around my body for more and found three cords from my heart. The first went to my mother and the other two went to my children. They felt like healthy, loving support. I left them alone.
I rested. As my head floated in the water I felt a cord coming from the back of my brain that branched out into many and attached to G. As I felt into them I realized they were my attachments to his behaviors and my projections about who he “should” be.
A copper sickel appeared along with a small flaming torch. I reached behind my head and severed the cords as a group holding them tightly in my left hand. I held the ends to the flame and they lit and burned like fuses, disappearing into the places they were attached to his body.
I said a blessing of thanks for freeing my Spirit/Body/Mind from these unhealthy attachments.
I climbed out of the tub and stood in the rain. I moved through a sun-salutation as tears of gratitude mixed with the tears from the sky and I was blessed.