Delving into the Mystery

A Case of Contradictories
A case of contradictories, both of them true.
There is a God. There is no God.
Where is the problem? I am quite sure that
there is a God in the sense that I am
sure my love is no illusion. I am quite sure
there is no God, in the sense that I am sure
there is nothing which resembles what
I can conceive when I say that word.

                                    by Simone Weil

When Roy Dopson came to our Mountain Valley Retreat to lead his meditation retreat called The One Step Path, I, for the first time, had a glimpse into the feeling that is created when I step behind my thoughts into the perception of the one who is thinking.  If ever there is a paradox, it is speaking the unspeakable and teaching the unteachable. Roy did a masterful job.

Here I am, attempting to write about that which has no words. 

When the words stop and stillness has not yet arrived, what arises are images and sensations.  The images have labels but the sensations can be left nameless and simply experienced.  It is in these sensations that I perceive what I call Source. 

I have written about “Wild”, that state of my being that existed before I was “domesticated”, and that which I am attempting to return to.  As I contemplate this experience of Source through the sensations of my body, I recognize that they are one and the same.  Wild is Source.  Source is Wild.

To return to Source.  To become that from whence I came.  To be Wild.  I believe this impossible quest is possible.  This is  the journey of my life. 

Matters Not?

I reread the words on page one of this narrative to remind myself that the words matter not. It’s the writing that counts. That seems strange to me when I read it. If the words don’t matter what is the point of writing them? Perhaps within the discipline lies a key to writing words that DO matter.
In the meantime, I’ll continue to attempt this often daunting task of putting something on the page.
There is a bunny hopping across my yard. His movement caught my eye. I’m rooting for him over the red-shouldered hawk in the oak across the way. I hope the hawk will go for those pesky ground squirrels and leave the bunny alone this morning. No judgment there…
Dozer and Dancer, our kittens, are nine weeks today. Dozer just climbed into the office chair beside me to check out what I’m doing…I told him, “not much.” Watching them grow and develop their feline skills is great entertainment. The daily changes are noticeable, not unlike a human baby in it’s first months of life. We still change every day…just not as dramatically. I suppose we get used to our own evolution and take it for granted.
Evolution. If the Universe is evolving, why do some things seem to be in regression? Evolution means progress, growth, development, advancement. As I watch the national news “evolve” it seems that mankind is regressing. Perhaps it is all in the lens. The wider the lens, the more I can perceive evolution? I suppose it is also the direction I point my viewfinder. What group of mankind am I choosing to look at, the suppressive regimes of the patriarchy or the courageous women of “Pussy Riot?”

“Pussy Riot.” These women demonstrate the evolution of women’s rights and even more, the evolution of social media. Without social media, I believe they would disappear. The world is watching, and in that fact lies some protection from the patriarchy and its fear of individual expression. Pussy Riot also brings to the surface for all of us in the west a reminder of the extreme suppression that is prevalent in our world. What we do with that reminder is an individual choice. At least we have a choice…
I am feeling a point of tension under my right shoulder blade. I feel like I am being poked with an electric prod…
I took a moment to go to Amazon and order an “S” hook massage tool…been wanting one for a while and was reminded when I saw one at a friend’s house the other day. This morning my back is reminding me again so I took action!
Which brings me back to Pussy Riot…I am so inspired by these young women who are risking everything, their freedom from imprisonment, their lives, to make a statement about the suppressive patriarchy they live under. As Nadia said, they are free in the way no one can touch, and that brilliant understanding inspires me.
This page is an example of free writing…the places my mind can take me…whew!